Memories of you
by xxGlambert2010xx
Summary: Adam has been in a coma for 3 months, leaving Tommy and their one year old daughter alone, silent and in the dark.
1. A pretty boy

**Adams POV**

I wish he could hear me... I would do anything just to brush my fingers through his gorgeous blonde hair again. I've heard every heart spoken word he has said to me these past 3 months. It breaks my heart. He speaks with only the slightest hope of me ever waking up again and if only... I could hold our baby girl again.

The only thing I feel is keeping me here and alive... Is reliving my life with Tommy all over again through all our memories. I remember every single detail... I could tell a story behind THE story with everything I remember.

Well looks like I'm going to be stuck here for a while so I might as well go through all my life with Tommy again well here it goes...

February 28th Chicago, LA  
Adam lamberts glam nation tour auditions.

"Next" I yelled out, tired from listening to people with no talent at all... like no offence or anything but I have no idea why some even bothered auditioning.

Finally... A short, shy looking boy with blonde hair then stumbled into the room.

"H-hi I'm... No wait... I mean my name is Tommy Joe Ratliff" the boy stuttered, looking at me as if I was a fricken murderer.

"Hey Tommy Joe, Now what role would you like to audition for...?" I said eyeing him head to toe, and damn was he pretty I must say...

"Guitar... I play guitar..."

"sorry but that role has already been filled... would you maybe like to consider bass or any other instruments...?" I replied to the pretty boy.

"Uh yea sure... I can play bass..." He said with a slight pout to his lips. So damn cute!

His bass playing was amazing... I just had to hire him Right away, besides he was about the prettiest thing I've ever seen. For some reason, I couldn't help but feel as if we connected instantly.

_What... Don't judge me, I am gay you know... & if you didn't well... wow god bless whoever you talk and hang out with, they must be an angel!_

Anyways back to my life story…  
  
"you're hired, Congratulations! See you on Monday!" I said flashing him a smile. Wow I wonder if he is gay… I remember thinking to myself. Hell was I wrong, he was most certainly not gay; he had just broken up with his girlfriend.

"Wow. Oh my gosh! Really?" Tommy said as his jaw literally dropped from shock and excitement.

"Really, really" I said laughing at how adorable he sounded.

With that he then picked up his bass and left the room. Along with his cinnamon scent that seemed to tag along with him strangely. But it smelt great, don't get me wrong. I was actually looking forward to meeting him on the Monday you know ... Getting to know him better having a proper conversation. 


	2. Silence

**Tommy's POV  
**

Well... I'm Tommy Joe Ratliff. Let's see the pathetic disasters and heart aches of my life right now...I'm 30 years old with a 2 year old baby girl Michele Joe Lambert and another one on the way... my husband has been in a coma for 3 months now and yes I am a MALE. Bisexual, well...actually I was straight, But yea then i fell in love with another man...wouldn't have it any other way!

Well I guess you can go run the other way now. Most people do, it's not every day you see a pregnant man walking around with a child in his arms. Let alone married to a person of the same gender. Fuck you homophobic assholes Pfft I should even waste my breath.

It's just been so hard lately; the stares and whispers I get from some people are DEADLY... I normally put up with and don't care or even think twice about them. But not now... I can't Adam is no longer by my side, to keep me going...well he is but he isn't, if you get what I mean.

I wait by his bed every morning, everyday, all day, all night...hoping for just the slightest movement or noise from Adam. But Silence. I hate that word; it's taken over my life.

My heart is slowing breaking bit by bit...I feel all alone. I don't know how much longer I can take it, but I have to be strong for Michele and our soon to be born child.

All I have left is my kids, what's left of Adam and the band. My parents and family disowned me long time ago...when they found out I was gay. I was on the verge of suicide, but a sweet soul helped me through it all... Adam Lambert.

I know I sound so negative right now and angry but I am just really tired I haven't slept in a week. The doctors told me that the chances of Adam waking up and making a full recovery are VERY slim.

In fact they tell me this everyday... What bastards... Do they honestly think I am just going to give up on my baby boy?

No! Never could I ever let that happen we have been to hell together and back. I Love Adam way too much, to just let him slip away or without at least giving him a chance.

"Tom-Tom is Addy going to wake up today...?" my baby girl innocently asked with a hopeful smile smeared across her face...along with some peanut butter and jam. Haha my cheeky little girl eats just like I did when I was a dike.

Haha Michele likes to call us by our nicknames from time to time. It's so adorable she calls me Tom-Tom, Adam Addy and we call her glitters.

Michele asks me this very same question every day. It breaks my heart even more than it already is. But I keep myself together just for her sake and simply pick  
her up in my arms, smiling back, "I don't know glitters, maybe."

We were all so happy together it's not fair. Just when you think everything is fine and your enjoying life, it can all turn around just within a few moments.

I still remember the day this whole  
nightmare started...How can I forget it? It's like I keep living a never ending nightmare. If only someone could let me out of this dream. Too bad it isn't a dream.


	3. Like family

**Adams POV**

It was Monday morning and everyone I had selected at the auditions for my 2010 glamnation were already at the venue when I arrived. At least it was good to know they were very punctual haha. We had Lisa Harrington on the keys, Longineu Parsons on the drums, Monte Pittman (my best friend) on the guitar and of course the pretty boy Tommy Joe Ratliff on bass.

The dancers then arrived shortly after me. We had Sasha, Brooke (My choreographer), Taylor and Terrance. Sasha is also a part of the LGBT community just like me so we both have that in common.

I still remember meeting everyone, it could've possibly been one if the best days of my life. From that very first day on meeting everyone was like a dream we all became a very close family. It was as if we're all destined to meet each other, we just all clicked so well and we even all fit together astrologically.

Brooke, Longineu and I are Aquarius, Terrance and Tommy are both Libra's, Sasha and Taylor are Leo's and Monte and Lisa are Scorpio's.

As I walked into the room the first person to catch my eye was Tommy. He was just so beautiful and flawless... Damn I wish he was gay.

"Hey Adam!" Tommy practically flailed. So adorable...

"haha hey Tommy, you excited?" I asked trying to start a conversation.

"Hell yea, this is going to be the shit" he gleamed.

I love how Tommy talks he is not afraid to express himself and is just so open. Definitely not the shy type, once you get to know him. But I still couldn't believe this was only the second time I had met everyone it felt like I had known them all along.

Anyways we spent the rest of the day jamming and testing out which music we would use on tour and what works best. When we had finished playing, we all went out to dinner. We all had so much fun getting to know each other.

Haha I remember talking to Tommy finding out he was straight... For sure that is. This conversation that replays in my head from time to time makes me laugh. I don't know Why...i just...he is just so pretty and well groomed to be straight. I mean sheesh… he even TALKED gay from time to time!

You should have heard him say oh my god! It was more like this, "ohhh myyyyy gaaaawwwweeddd" in a high pitched squeal! More gay than me and I am actually gay.

Later at dinner Tommy came and sat by me and Sutan. Sutan is my make-up artist; he is also gay and does drag... Oh I love his drag name so unique, Raja.

"So do you have another half?" Tommy joked.

At first I didn't understand what he was getting at...but then I was like "ohh right haha no, No boyfriend. I'm single...but ready to mingle Grrr" I replied laughing. "What about you?"

"Oh me… Uh yea same except I'm straight. I just broke up with her a few weeks ago, she cheated on me." Tommy said with a slight frown.

"Oh honey I'm so sorry. I know how you feel my ex boyfriend drake cheated on me..." I replied holding out my arms to hug him. _What he seemed like the hugging type, jeez I'm not a slut._

"Oh yea I know it does Suck, but I met you now so I guess I will be just fine." Tommy winked jokingly.

I remember slightly blushing at what he had said and letting out a little giggle. _So embarrassing…_ Oh that boy I could talk to him for hours he was just so entertaining and accepting.

We then all left the restaurant exchanging hugs and kisses; just like a big family…Oh what I would do to just be able to do that again... And let them know I can hear them.


	4. Nightmare

**Tommy's POV**

Valentines Day... I remember it just like it was yesterday. Valentine's Day February 14, the most romantic day of the year...well at least it "should've" been...or "would've" been but those words don't mean much now to me now.

Adam and I had just woken up, the sun already beaming through our bedroom curtains... just waiting to be released and shine right throughout our house.

"I love you glitter baby." Adam whispered into my ear. His voice as soft as a feather so he didn't wake Michelle, who was sound asleep in between us in our bed...just like an angel from heaven, A miracle.

"Morning baby boy, I love you too." I whispered back to Adam placing soft kisses along His neck, a soft moan then escaped Adam's lips. His skin...ever so soft just like an angel. Michelle and Adam look so alike... my two beautiful angels.

"Addy, Tom-Tom!" Michelle beamed fluttering her tiny bright blue eyes open.

"Good morning glitters!" Adam and I both said kissing her forehead.

"Oh Tom-tom, Addy guess what!"

"What...? Baby girl" Adam questioned Michelle.

"IT'S VALENTINES DAY TODAY & YOU ARE BOTH MY VALENTINES!" Michelle answered Adam with the biggest smile on her face clearly proud of her answer.

Adam and I turned to each other giggling; we couldn't help but laugh...Oh so adorable and innocent.

"Aww thanks glitters, well guess what! Daddy and you are both my valentines' aswell!" I smiled back at my beautiful daughter holding out my arms to cuddle her.

"YAY!" Michelle practically flailed, jumping into my arms.

Adam then suggested we should all get ready, so he could take his "Valentine's" out to breakfast. I then took Michelle into her bedroom and sat her on her little toddler bed, opening her wardrobe.

"Hmm so what would my valentine like to wear today..?" I asked, smiling at Michelle.

"Umm...how about something...pink with a little bit of blue and some sparkles!"

"alright hunny let me see what I can find..." I replied. Amazed at my daughters fashion sense, yet she was only three years old!

I then looked through her wardrobe, which mind you was massive for a three year old! And after a few minutes I managed to find a small pink t-shirt, with blue sparkly ballerina shoes printed on it. Michelle then chose out a white matching skirt and a pretty pair of glittery red shoes.

Michelle than ran back into our bedroom quite proud of her choice of clothes.

"Look Daddy!"

"WOW! Tommy, I think a beautiful fairy princess has visited us for the morning" Adam joked, lifting up Michelle and hugging her.

While Adam played with Michelle I Quickly got dressed just throwing on the usual. Black Skinny jeans, a Grey Depeche mode t-shirt and of course my creepers (yes I still wear those even with a daughter...Don't judge me)

"alright my beautiful Valentines are we all set for today's adventure...?" Adam smiled, leaving a peck on my cheek.

"Ready then we will ever be baby boy" I smiled back leaving a kiss on Adam's lips.

Adam then handed Michelle over to me and grabbed our car keys, locking our house door. We then put Michelle into her baby seat, but Adam had to do her seat belt up as always...ugh why do they have to make it so complicated! (What...? I am blonde y'know!)

With that we then all got into the car and drove off down our neighborhood street, a few neighbors saw us and waved...so we gave them a friendly beep back. We were so grateful and lucky that our neighborhood was so accepting of us, since most others weren't.

Not to mention those bastard protestors. Ugh... I swear I could just strangle them, but I do have a family to look after and they are MOST DEFINITELY not worth it! (Anyway let's not get off topic now...)

Adam them turned on the radio and surprisingly "My heart will go on" By Celine Dion was playing...My heart smiled.

"Listen Addy, Tom-tom! It's your song daddies!" Michelle squealed, she was happier than I was!

I quickly turned up the radio and yes indeed it was "our song". Adam and I danced to this song at our wedding...Our very first dance as Husband and Husband; we had actually made it to the altar (Thank god!)

I remember thinking back to our wedding day, as we drove along the busy roads. We were so young and silly haha and yes I stepped on Adam's toes a few times as we danced...but he didn't mind. (We're still married right...? And have a child.)

My thoughts were then interrupted by a warm soft familiar hand traveling up my thighs. I then turned to my gorgeous husband smiling, "Happy Valentine's Day Baby boy!"

Adam then smiled back at me blowing a kiss, "Happy Valentine's Day to you too glitter baby!"

Then our clever little audience in the back seat sighed, "aww that was so kind, daddies!"

Adam and I couldn't help but laugh at her innocence and adorableness, our angel.

Finally we had just arrived at our "Valentine's Day surprise destination" it was the restaurant me and Adam had our first "official date"

I swear I almost bawled my eyes out, I couldn't believe Adam actually remembered. I turned to Adam with tears filling my eyes, "Adam you remembered!"

"Of course I remembered glitter baby, Why wouldn't I! You know how long it took us to get to just one date; I mean you were STRAIGHT for Pete's sake!" Adam replied practically laughing his ass off.

"Hah very funny." I replied rolling my eyes, did he have to kill the moment?

"Aww Tommy baby you know I'm only joking...I'm sorry" Adam pouted with his big blue puppy dog eyes.

I then leaned over the passengers and kissing Adam, "it's alright baby I know it took us a while, but we are here now and that's what matters. I'm just so thrilled you remembered it haha!"

Adam then smiled back at me rubbing my cheek, "well we have certainly come a long way!" he said then looking back at Michelle.

I couldn't help but smile, my heart was full.

"Uh Addy, Tom-tom are we going to go inside?" Michelle asked eagerly, she hated being in the car to long. I think she gets her "impatience" from me.

"That's a great idea glitters." Adam replied laughing.

With that I then unbuckled Michelle from her baby seat and carried her in my arms, while holding Adam's hand. We then walked into the restaurant as one "big happy family."

"Table for two and a highchair?" the waiter asked smiling.

"Yes thank-you" Adam replied.

The waiter then showed us to our table, I then sat Michelle in her high chair.

"Wow daddy this place is beautiful!" Michelle beamed.

"Yes it isn't it? Daddy and I had our very first date here" I replied to Michelle placing my hand over Adam's, slowing rubbing circle's into them.

The Waiter then came over to our table handing us the menus, "what would you like to order?"

"can we please order two of the lovers delight pancakes and also one of cupid's waffles with a  
Scoop of strawberry ice-cream thank-you" Adam replied.

"Breakfast will soon be served" the kind waiter replied.

While we were waiting for breakfast to be served, a lady came around with a basket full of wrapped up roses, "would you like to purchase a valentine rose Mr. Lambert?"

"yes please, actually can I purchase two?" Adam replied smiling.

"Of course you can!" the lady beamed handing over the roses.

I was a bit confused as to why Adam had purchased two roses at first, but then i soon realized the reason. Adam then got up from his chair kneeling, handing one rose to me and the other to Michelle.

"For you, my gorgeous valentines!" Adam laughed placing a kiss on both out foreheads.

What Adam didn't realize was that the whole restaurants had seen what he did and were sighing in awe. "What a gentlemen and a wonderful father!"

My husband, I said smiling to myself. Michelle was quite happy with her rose aswell, she felt special and apart of everything.

"Thanks daddy!" Michelle giggled.

After we finished eating our breakfast, we paid the waiter and left one hundred dollars in tips. As we exited the restaurant we stopped at the traffic lights do we could cross the road.

After about a minute the pedestrian light turned green for us to walk, so Adam and I both held Michelle's hand and started to cross the road. We were about half away across the road when I looked up and saw a speeding car raging towards us; it was too late to do anything. Adam screamed pushing me and Michelle out of the way...but Adam didn't make it.

Welcome to my never ending nightmare, the day my world shattered. Valentine's Day, February 14.

* * *

"DADDY!" Michelle yelled at me shaking my arm.

That's when I realized I had drifted off into my own little world day dreaming... I was just so tired and missed Adam so much, if only I could hear his voice again and see those big blue Puppy dog eyes.

"Mr. Tommy Joe Lambert" the nurse called.

I was on the maternity ward of the hospital Adam was in, for my 18 week scan. Oh how I wish Adam could be with me. I smiled at the nurse then picked up Michelle and walked into the ultrasound room.

End of my first trimester and my husband doesn't even know we are going to have another child. Will I have to raise our children alone? No stop...I can't think like that, negative thoughts and worrying never help or solve anything.


	5. Hope

Adam's POV

Wow, it's already been three months since the accident and it's nearly the end of Tommy's first trimester. It's our baby's 18 week scan today, but as far as Tommy is concerned I don't even know he is pregnant...when the truth is, I have known ever since he told me.

I can hear everything he says...I wish I could just find some way to let him know. I just feel so helpless, everyday he rushes out of my room to go throw his guts up. I remember when he was pregnant with Michelle hard how it was for him and now that I'm not there with him...I can't even imagine how hard it must be for him...to tell you the truth I don't really want to think about it, it'll just hurt me more.

I wish I could just be with him and be able to hold his gorgeous blonde bangs back for him, at least just one time and to let him know everything will be fine

I just really hope that i am going to get to wake up again and see my beautiful family. But the thing that scares me the most is waking up and not remembering anyone or anything. That would be awful, I can't even bear to imagine how bad that would be. Everything me and Tommy have been through would be gone...wasted.

The AMA's 2009

It was the 22nd of November and I was just getting ready to sing live on television for the first time since American Idol, which was now about a year ago.

I was so nervous yet so excited, Here I was... Adam Fucking Lambert that "Geeky red head theatre fag" performing as the opening act for the American Music Awards show. All I had to say to that was..."everyone who ever put me down and told me 'No', well fuck you!" I remember how powerful I was feeling, everyone who had ever put me down, called me a fag or ever doubted me...Well just look at me, who is laughing now?

I had just finished applying my eyeliner and had walked out of my dressing room to find "the pretty boy" pacing up and down the hallway, kicking at the empty floor.

"Hey Tommy, what's up?", I said in a bit of a worried but hopeful tone, after all he was only new to this business.

He then heard my voice echo through the hallway.. looking up at me he then replied, "oh hey Adam...nah I'm fine just bored and the tiniest bit nervous"

"Only the tiniest bit?" I questioned, raising an eye brow.

"oh ok fine...I'm actually... really nervous" the blonde slowly answered as if ashamed, rolling his eyes.

"oh don't worry it's perfectly normal to be nervous, everything will be fine...I'm even nervous, we all get nervous, it's only natural." I said, smiling putting an arm on his shoulder.

Then interrupting the moment my name was called over the announcer, I was on stage in 10 minutes.

Slipping my hand off Tommy's quite feminine (if I must say...) shoulders I then said smiling, "well that's me...guess I better be getting to the stage soon, I'll catch up with you later. Good luck, but trust me you don't need it"

He then smiled back, "thanks, yea you too"

gosh...i love his smile and personality it's so fucking adorable! I thought to myself as I made my way over to the stage.

The presenter than called over the microphone "Now presenting... LAMBERT singing 'For your Entertainment'!"

Well I guess this is it...wish me luck! 


	6. The beat of life

**Tommy's POV**

I slowly walked into the ultrasound room with Michelle tucked into my arms and then placed her on the chair, while I then lay down on the ultrasound bench.

"So Mr. Lambert, how have you been feeling lately?" The nurse asked, smiling at me.

I then replied with a slight smile back, "yea I've been alright jut the same old usual, moods wings and morning sickness..."

Michelle then interrupted looking into my eyes, "and missing daddy!" she stated.

I couldn't help but crack a full smile, "yes glitters and missing daddy a lot." I said lifting her up onto the bench next to me giving her a cuddle.

"Alright and can you now please lift up your shirt...?" the nurse ordered.

I then slowly tucked up my shirt revealing my growing bump and bracing myself for what felt like freezing Atlantic ice. The lady then got out her fluid bottle and squeezed out a fair amount over my belly. She then turned on the monitor and carefully started scrolling over my stomach with the ultrasound cursor to find a heartbeat.

I was beginning to freak out...it was taking quite a while to find a beat...what if...if...if I nearly burst out crying, When all of a sudden the magical beat of life filled my ears.

Thank-god...To hear that babies heart beat... to me was like hearing Adam's voice again. A miracle.

"DADDY, DADDY CAN YOU HEAR IT!" Michelle squealed just as happy as I was.

I then smiled at my baby girl, "yup I sure can, doesn't it sound beautiful!"

"yup it sounds just like daddy!" Michelle giggled.

These very few words that just slipped out of my daughter's mouth were enough to break me. I just couldn't handle it, I broke down into tears and ran out of the hospital.

"!"

I could hear a faint voices calling after me, But I just kept running I can't do this anymore...I just can't...not without Adam...it isn't fair. When I had finally lost my breath I stopped running, collapsing onto my knees in tears. I soon then found myself in the sick children's fairy garden.

I felt a soft tapping on my shoulder...I turned around to find a small fragile child sitting by me.

"What's wrong...?" the child asked with a frail smile.

I then wiped the tears from my eyes facing the child I answered, "My partner is in a coma and I have a daughter plus another baby on the way...but I just don't think I can cope anymore...not without my partner...it's too hard."

The small child than looked at me with a puzzled expression, "but you still have your husband...he is just in a deep sleep and your daughter needs you...what would she do or think if you left her?"

Wow...this child I barely even know was so right I do still have my husband...I just have to have a little more hope and positive thoughts, I'm lucky he isn't gone and Michelle...I just left her! Oh gosh I'm such a bad parent!

I quickly turned to this innocent child and thanked him for talking to me and ran back upstairs to get Michelle. Wow this innocent sick child with just a few words had just made me realize that there is Hope and still plenty for me to live for. I just haven't been viewing everything the right way.

Once I arrived back upstairs in the maternity ward I saw Michelle talking to the nurse crying her eyes out. I felt so bad...I had just run out on my own daughter, leaving her with complete strangers.

"DADDY!" Michelle then noticed me coming back and screamed out to me, running with open arms.

I quickly scooped her up and showered her with kisses, "glitters I am so sorry...I just needed some air I was missing daddy a bit too much!"

"You mean you didn't leave me, I wasn't a bad girl?" Michelle broke out into a smile.

Oh my gosh. What have I made my daughter think...

I broke out into tears again, "MICHELLE NO NEVER! I would never leave you! I love you way too much to do that!" I replied.

Michelle then gripped onto me tighter and nestled her tiny face into my shoulders. After I apologized, thanked the nurses for looking after Michelle and finished my check-up. I went back down to the fairy garden I wanted to thank and meet this child again but properly.

I then arrived at the fairy garden once again, but this time with Michelle in my arms. The child thankfully was still here just staring at the clouds, I then slowly walked over to him.

"Hi I'm Tommy Joe Lambert and this is my daughter Michelle...thank-you so much for talking to me, you made me realize something that I shouldn't have to be reminded. Is there anything I can do for you?" I said smiling.

The boy looked about three or four years older than Michelle.

The boy then replied smiling, "You're welcome anytime. By the way my name is Sam, You can't do anything for me...but there is just one thing I would like..."

I was a bit confused by what he meant...but I then answered smiling, "and what is that?"

The boy then came closer and whispered in mine and Michelle's ear, "can we all be friends?"

Tears rose to my eyes all this child wanted was to be friends...How could I decline. Before I could reply and hug the boy, Michelle to my surprise gave him a big kiss on the cheek and accepted.

Wow...well I think she gets that from her dad, I giggled to myself. The poor boy turned crimson, Hmm I'm going to have to have a talk to Michelle about kissing random people.

For the rest of the afternoon I let Michelle and Sam play until the nurses came back to get him. Sam then asked, "Will you be here tomorrow?"

Michelle then looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I replied smiling at the boy, "of course we will, won't we Michelle."

_Life works in funny ways..._


	7. In the moment

**Adam's POV**

Hmm well that didn't 'exactly' go the way I planned...I shoved my dancers face in my crotch, tripped over and then basically Tongue fucked Tommy's mouth... Good times... Yes. But something tells me that I've started some type of crap...just wait till the show finishes.

Oh God. What have I done...Tommy is Straight! He probably hates my guts right now and is disgusted with me. I mean yea I thought he was cute and thought he was a great guy but I wasn't planning this... I was just in the moment.

I then walked off stage and right away just as expected... I had my manager running up to me, "Adam I'm sorry but ABC news just cancelled you."

"what...why?" I replied.

"Well you did just kiss a guy on live television and shove a dancers face in your crotch." my manager replied.

"Yea and...? I'm not a baby sitter, I'm an entertainer." I replied a bit annoyed at what my manager had just told me and that ABC had cancelled me, just because I kissed another guy.

But what the fuck ever I just need to get this make up off and clear my mind...maybe it's not as bad as I think.

Hell was I wrong...

For the next fricken month I was all over the Internet, news headlines and I had millions of parents complaining I wasn't appropriate for children. I mean to this day no one wants me to perform at their awards shows!

I mean what the actual fuck...when Britney kissed Madonna everyone applauded them. But when I kiss my male keyboardist a world war III starts and they all want me to apologize? I don't think so, No apologies here.

As for Tommy...well when I got off stage and went to apologize to him, feeling extremely bad for kissing him. He laughed in my face and told me its fine, I can do whatever I want with him...Wait. Hold the fucking phone. Did this guy just tell me to kiss, touch and grab him and do whatever i want to him on stage...? Yet he is straight?

This is where it all started...one moment...can change everything.

* * *

Drifting out of my memories...I heard my hospital door open, it was Tommy and Michelle. I could feel Tommy's presence sitting next to me and squeezing my hand...I try so hard to squeeze back...but I just can't, I'm broken.

Michelle then climbed onto the bed tucking herself into my arms. Feeling her small warm body tucked in my arms, smelling her sweet strawberry scent fill the room...but not being able to talk or hold her again... absolutely broke my heart even more.

But Hearing Tommy happy again made my heart smile. I heard the nurses outside my room talking... It made me feel so helpless and useless I wanted to scream...but how can I ...I'm barely hanging on.

But I now have hope for Tommy and Michelle...and that I will wake up one day. Why? All because of this one little boy who visited me today... I think he said his name was Sam...Such a gorgeous soul like an angel, I have no idea who he is though.

All he said was, "Hey my name is Sam...I'm sorry you probably don't know me but i just wanted to say... Thank-you for giving me two great friends...get your rest, but don't stay with the angels too long...your son needs you." then he held my hand for a few moments and left.

At first I didn't understand what he was talking about...I thought maybe he had mistaken me for someone else, until it all made sense.

"Hey baby boy it's me Tommy again...I miss you so much...I just can't explain how much. But today I got a 18 week scan and out baby is perfectly healthy...but I have to tell you the truth I wasn't coping at all...but I have a feeling things are going to get better and you'll be awake in no time...Today was amazing me and Michelle made a new friend at the hospital and it was hilarious because I thought she would've scared him off! The first thing she did was give him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek." Tommy laughed, after softly pecking my cheek.

The boy...Sam...The one in my room this morning...He must be the friend Tommy and Michelle met. I wonder what he is doing here...Or how old he is...? He sounded just a few years older than Michelle.

One thing I didn't understand though was...How did he know I'm going to have a son? Tommy doesn't know the sex and it's still too early to tell.

_Is Sam real...or just my imagination...?  
_


	8. Kicking magic

**Tommy's POV**

"MOMMYYYYY! CAN WE LEAVE NAAAAOOO?" Michelle screamed, excitedly running down the stairs of our home.

"Hang on a second glitters, I'm still packing our little picnic basket. How about you go pack some of your toys away in a bag for us to bring to the hospital, but remember don't just bring dolls, Sam has to be able to play aswell." I calmly replied back smiling at my daughter.

The reason Michelle was so excited this morning was because today after visiting Adam, we are going to go back to the sick children's garden and have a play date picnic with Sam. After all he helped me when I was down and now it's my turn to be there for him, besides I love children and Michelle doesn't really have close friends anymore.

Ever since the accident we stopped going to playgroup to meet up with all the other mothers so now she has kind of lost contact with all the other children. Although it's great now that Michelle can have a friend that she adores and is here at the hospital because now they can play whenever they want and they both stay entertained. Everybody wins.

I had just finished making the strawberry jam sandwiches, so I carefully cut them into small triangles, wrapped them up in cling wrap. I then filled the basket with juice poppers and freshly sliced watermelon plus a picnic rug, Today was going to be a fun day for the kids…haha even I was excited. As soon as I had finished packing the basket, I grabbed my car keys and then walked outside to put the basket on the back seat. After I had re-locked the car again I walked back inside and began walking upstairs into Michelle's room.

As I arrived at Michelle's bedroom door I was shocked to see that Michelle had taken mine and Adam's make-up bag and was in front of her mirror attempting to put it on, SHE IS ONLY 3 turning 4! NO WAY AM I LETTING MY DAUGHTER WEAR ANY MAKE-UP!

Call me a Hypocrite, Right now I don't care. I don't know whether to be mad she took our make-up bag without asking, or upset and worried that she is even thinking about wearing make-up at such an age!

"MICHELLE JOE LAMBERT, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" I yelled from the door way, startling her.  
Michelle then quickly turned around with the most innocent eyes ever replying, "Making myself look pretty."

_Oh boy…where is Adam when I need him…oh that's right in a coma._

I then walked into Michelle's room with confused eyes and slowly took the make-up out of her hand smiling. I then sat her on the bed as I got a make-up remover wet towel and started freeing her face from all this junk that really Adam and I shouldn't even wear, but whatever it's different for us… we are adults, Glitters is only three! After I had finished removing the make-up I then questioned Michelle, "Honey…why were you putting make-up on? That's for adults only"

Michelle then sighed, "Sorry daddy…I just wanted to make myself look prettyful."

_No. My daughter DID NOT JUST SAY THAT & THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO LET MY DAUGHTER GROW UP WITH SELF ESTEEM ISSUES JUST LIKE I DID. NO WAY AT ALL._

I nearly burst into tears, to hear those words come from my daughters mouth killed my heart even more that it already was. I then quickly replied hugging Michelle tightly, "But you are prettyful Michelle, There is no words to describe how beautiful you look… you're my and daddies gorgeous angel, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

What she did next was PRICELESS, she looked up at me with her big blue puppy dog eyes, grabbed me arms that were around her and smiled, "Daddy I know I'm very prettyful...remember I'm the princess...but you and daddy can still use the make-up if you want."

Haha well I think Michelle is just fine, I probably just over reacted a little...OKAY maybe A LOT. I'll just leave it at that I thought to myself. I couldn't help but giggle to myself as I picked up Michelle off the bed, "thanks glitters I think me and daddy will take you up on that advice."

_Moments like this, is what makes parenthood worth it. They can say whatever they like and it may seem a bit hurtful, but in the end you know that they have no idea what they really just said._

I then locked up our house and buckled Michelle into her child restraint. Before we went to see Sam in the sick children's fairy garden, we went to visit Adam...of course he didn't say much, as per usual. Seeing Adam so still and quiet just breaks my heart more and more each time...I'm surprised its still beating, but i really don't know how long I'm going to last.

"HI DADDDYYY! GUESS WHAT ME AND DADDY ARE DOING TODAY! WE ARE HAVING A PICNIC WITH SAM MY NEW FRIEND I MET AND GUESS WHAT! HE IS A BOYYY!" Michelle exclaimed jumping onto Adam's bed picking up his arm and draping it over her.

_The courage and hope my daughter has is more than I'll ever have for anything ever again._

I couldn't help but giggle that Michelle had just told Adam her new friend was a boy haha, I wouldn't of been surprised if Adam had woken out of his coma on hearing that! After we spent about an hour with Adam I then said my goodbyes leaving a kiss on my husband's fore head and carrying Michelle into the elevator, as we left Adam's room from the corner of my eye I could see Michelle leaning over my shoulder and waving goodbye to Adam.

_Her hope and innocence is about the only thing that keeps me going these days..._

After about two minutes of walking from the elevator we arrived at the children's garden it was beautiful as usual, so peaceful and calming. As soon as Michelle spotted Sam she practically jumped out of my arms and ran over to him.

"HI SAAMM!" Michelle beamed.

"Hey Michelle" Sam smiled.

Today Sam didn't seem to well...I always wonder why he is in hospital for...hmm he must have a sick relative or maybe just appendices or something like that...and come to think of it he is always alone in this garden...? Hmm it's probably just me I thought to myself.

When Sam and Michelle had stopped playing with their toys and mucking around I set out the rug and food I had brought and called them over to eat. Sam was really shy at first and didn't want to eat, he thought it would be rude of him for some reason.

"C'mon Sam dig in, I made these just for you and Michelle" I said smiling.

"Thank-you but I didn't want to be a bother" the small frail child replied.

_A bother...? I can't believe he just said that...he isn't a bother. He is a miracle without him the other day I would've given up...& Michelle would be in an orphanage right now and as for him, well he would be sitting alone right now._

"Sam! Please don't be silly, you're not a bother...you're like another one of my own children to me, and my children eat...so you better eat up" I said playfully joking around. I will never forget how his face lit up...the sparkle in his eyes. But I don't understand how what I said made him so happy...oh well it was heartwarming to see him happy like that.

As we finished eating I started to pack up everything while Michelle and Sam were looking for four leaved clovers, then all of a sudden I felt as if a ball was bouncing inside my stomach. The baby kicked for the first time! I was so excited...yet hurt that Adam wasn't here.

"Michelle, Michelle! Come quick!" I shouted excitedly.

Michelle then quickly ran over to me full of curiosity, "what's wrong Daddy!" she asked looking the slightest bit worried.

I then grabbed her small hands and placed them on my now quite large baby bump, "Can you feel it glitters?" I squealed excitedly.

A wide grin then spread across her face, "I FEEL IT, I FEEL IT DADDY!"

I then remembered Sam, oh no… he must be feeling so left out right now! So I quickly called him over aswell, "Sam, Sam, come over quick!"

When Sam then came running over excitedly I then placed his hands over my bump. The amazed look that spread across his face was priceless. This boy really inspired me such a sweet soul his parents should be really proud of him.

He then replied practically glowing, "Wow, thank-you so much for letting me share that with the both of you...it was beautiful."

"Don't thank me...thank nature and my husband for giving me this beautiful gift that I can share with the world." I answered smiling and holding out my arms to both the children. 


	9. A first time for everything

**Adam's POV**

We had finally started the Glam nation tour and boy was it amazing, the atmosphere my fans created was just...unexplainable, nothing can describe how much love and acceptance of each other was in the air. It was just amazing and everything that I had wanted it to be. So far my set list was: "Voodoo", "Down the Rabbit Hole", "Ring of Fire", "Fever", "Sleepwalker", "Soaked", "Whataya Want from Me", "Aftermath", "Sure Fire Winners", "Strut", "Music Again", "If I Had You" and with the encores varying from "Mad World", "Whole Lotta Love" or "20th Century Boy" it just all depended on my mood and the crowd, but as the tour progressed and went international I planned on adding "For your entertainment" and "Broken Open".

* * *

June 21st, 2010 New York City

"Wow, this is great... I can't believe that we're already on our 13th show tomorrow night and that we're in New York City tonight. Look at all the lights, they're so gorgeous!" I said as I turned to Tommy, who was busy staring outside the hotel room window, admiring all the city lights.

The way his blonde hair is gelled back tonight and all spiky is so adorable, ugh... why, oh why does he have to be straight...? So not fair.

Over these few weeks that we had been on tour, Tommy and me had gotten to know each other so well, he is such a great guy to be around. He is straight but still loves his fashion and glitter, just my piece of cake. I even think out of everybody me and Tommy get along the best...I mean don't get me wrong Monte is my best friend but he can get pretty agitating sometimes and If Tommy weren't straight, I'm pretty sure he would be in my bed right now and not admiring lights...just saying.

Tommy then interrupted my thoughts, "Yea I know this all so wild. I would have never imagined myself being on tour with a hot ass singer and getting to do what I love on stage every night. For me this is like a dream, really thank-you so much... I have no idea how I can ever thank-you for this...this is just...the life."

I then patted Tommy on the back smiling, "oh I know how you feel and yea this is the life alright...well minus the paps that is..." we both then laughed and our Hotel room door then burst open, it was Sasha and Monte.

"Well I don't know about you two saps but we are all going out for some drinks, you guys coming?" Sasha joked as Monte already began shutting our lights.

"Hell yea, I'm in!" Tommy said as he stood up and began doing up his creepers. I then followed then all out the door as I quickly touched up my eyeliner and then grabbed our room key, before locking the door.

We all then met up at reception and then walked over to a nearby bar. As we walked to the bar Tommy then caught up with me walking close by, "so have anything special planned for tomorrows show?" he winked.

"Haha maybe not sure, got any ideas?" I smirked back.

"Well like I said after the AMA's, you can do whatever you like to me...I don't mind. Besides it's all for entertainment." he smiled before then catching up to Brooke and Terrance.

As we all had drinks at the bar I couldn't help but not think about Tommy's words as we were walking "you can do whatever you want to me, it's all for entertainment" what exactly does Tommy want me to do? Kiss him again...? Wow, Tommy is very interesting for a straight guy. Hmm…well this should be interesting.

The sound of a door shutting interrupted my thoughts, someone must be in here...can't be Tommy I'm pretty sure visiting hours are over and only patients or Doctors are allowed to visit each other now.

A soft voice then began to talk, it was Sam, "Hey it's me Sam again...I'm not sure if you like me visiting you but I just thought I would let you know how Tommy and Michelle are..."

I don't know what it is about this boy but his presence was so calming and he was so sweet to let me know how Tommy and Michelle were doing, to tell you the truth I loved Sam's company he is such a great friend, but I only just worked something out. He must be a patient in the hospital because visiting hours are over and it's quite late.

He then grabbed my hand and placed his small soft hands in mine beginning to explain his day with Tommy and Michelle," Well you'll be at peace to know...oh actually no please don't go to peace...uhm let me start again...you'll be RELAXED to know that Michelle and Tommy are doing really good I think, well they were good today and it was amazing! At our picnic today I felt like I had a family again...it felt amazing to be loved...well I felt loved...and and! I felt the baby kick for the first time! It was like magic...I wish you could've been there and so does Tommy...I could see it in his eyes, he hides all his feelings away though..."

Sam then stayed for a few more minutes before leaving. Wow I don't know what to say...Our baby kicked for the first time and I wasn't there. This really sucks and I'm starting to get extremely worried, What if I'm still not awake by the time he goes into labor! He'll never make it...I still remember the birth of Michelle like it was yesterday.

And Sam...Wow he is so caring, but when he talked about being and feeling loved again, I seriously wanted to cry. I don't think Sam has his parents with him anymore. But that boy really amazes me, the way his face lit up when me told me about the baby kicking was price less. Another thing I don't understand is how can he be so accepting of Tommy and me when he is only maybe around six or seven years old. Oh well...I guess it just shows how innocent kids really are, it would be nice if we could all stay that way.

* * *

22nd June 2010, New York City

"You ready...?" I asked walking into Tommy's room, as sutan was just finishing his make-up.

"Yup ready as I'll ever be" he replied, as he then got up and double checked himself in the mirror, before we all then made our way to the stage.

The lights hit the stage and Voodoo then started playing, as I appeared dressed in my purple fur coat and loads of glitter.

_"Moon shine on the bayou_

_Love shrine break the taboo_

_I wanna know what's in your potion_

_Bound by total devotion"_

I couldn't help but think of my life as i started singing...growing up and where I was now, It was all just so weird I used to be that 'redhead theatre Fag freak' and now look at me, I have my own show.

_"Quick slow high or low_

_You're never gonna know for sure_

_See in stereo_

_Down the rabbit hole"_

The atmosphere was just wonderful as I sang, everyone was moving and singing along... not one person was mute and still.

_"The taste of love is sweet_

_When hearts like ours meet_

_I fell for you like a child_

_Oh, and the fire went wild"_

As I sang through the Ring of fire I remembered what Tommy had said... "you can do whatever you want to me", Sounds like a plan I thought to myself letting off a soft smirk as I got down on my knees belting out lyrics of feeling. It was time for fever, a familiar beat came on and the room beamed with shining red lights as I stood at the top of the stage stairs. The music then started playing as I began strutting down the stair case where Tommy was strumming the strings of his bass guitar. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I then playfully pulled on his blond hair, smirking as he then leaned into me still playing his bass.

_"There he goes_

_My baby walks so slow_

_Sexual tic-tac-toe_

_Yea I know we both know_

_It isn't time, no_

_But could you be m-mine?"_

I then sang the lyrics placing my hand over his shoulder and rubbing his back, as he then took a few steps away from the stairs, still rocking his guitar. As I got to the lyrics 'yea I know we both know it isn't time, no. But could you be m-mine?' I then pointed at Tommy as we both exchanged smiles. Then i playfully walked up to Tommy who had his back facing the audience for a second, and then he turned around so I quickly leaned in towards him as our tongues licked up the roof of each other's mouths.

The crowd went wild, the screaming of girls filled the room...the sound of poor ecstasy. Tommy looked really happy himself, as I pulled away from the kiss I couldn't help but notice him smiling and laughing to himself.

_This is all for your entertainment apparently_.

The concert then continued with me dancing, singing and occasionally walking up to Tommy and playing with him teasingly. After I finished singing the lyrics to If I had you it was now time to introduce my band and dancers. First off Camila played the keyboard for us then Longineu played the drums, everyone was all so talented at playing it was amazing to hear.

Finally what everyone was waiting for...Tommy's intro. I stood next to Tommy with my arms draped over his shoulder, as he sat there looking all cute.

"On the bass...we have... Mr. Tommy joee" as I then tickled just under his nipple playfully. He then strummed his bass and finished his intro off by turning around to look at me then leaving a peck on my shoulder, "aww you just kissed my sweaty shoulder, didn't you...?" I joked to the audience. Tommy then turned around once again laughing, but this time he kissed me on the cheek.

* * *

I remember thinking to myself about Tommy as i was singing the encore Whole lotta love...Wow did he really just do that? I could already tell that the tour was going to be an interesting one from then on and let me tell you it sure was, it changed mine and Tommy's life in a way no one can imagine.


	10. The feelings that haunt you

**Tommy's POV**

_3 months later…_

It doesn't seem real its like some sort of really bad dream…another three months have went by. Adam is still in a coma and I'm now six months pregnant and as scared as anything…especially now. I'm fearing I'm going to have do go through this alone. I'm starting to loose

Hope that Adam will never wake or let alone wake up in time to see our baby's birth. These past three months have been really hard but all I can say is that the hardest thing out of all of this was watching my husband nearly slip away…his heart monitor barely moving an inch…that was probably the worst noise I've heard in my life… the sound of that heart monitor drowning in the silence. I'm lucky he is still even here…even if he isn't really here, if you get what I mean.

Michelle has been sound asleep clinging on to Adam for an hour now, I've just been sitting here thinking about my life with Adam…we have had such a rough ride right from when we met and now all this happened, it really isn't fair. While we were on tour I began falling in love with Adam but I couldn't accept it…then we finally got together and ended up getting married. Then just after we had gotten married we found out that we conceived a baby much to the shock of our lives, apparently I have girl insides as well. About half way through the pregnancy with Michelle I nearly miscarried then finally she was born, and that was the best thing that ever happened to Adam and I…then just like that Adam is in a coma because of some idiot who couldn't be bothered to wait at the traffic lights…

"Hi daddy…can we go visit Sam…?" Michelle yawned as she slowly crawled off Adam and on to my lap interrupting my thoughts.

"Yea sure honey" I replied as I stood up with Michelle in my arms and left the room placing a kiss on Adam's forehead.

We then reached the children's garden except Sam wasn't there as he usually was so we waited…and waited for about an hour when a young looking nurse came out to us.

"Hi there sir…may I help you…?" the young nurse asked, Her nametag read Stella.

Just as I was about to answer, Michelle ran up to her, "My friend Sam isn't here and he said he would meet us…" she asked as the young nurse, Stella bent down to be at Michelle's level.

"Oh Sam! Yes I know him…a very wise young man he is, the only person that keeps everyone together in this hospital, Try checking his room…its on level 4 room 12", The nurse replied smiling ever so sweetly.

I then thanked Stella, taking Michelle's hand as we walked back over to the elevator. When the elevator arrived Michelle and I walked into it as Michelle then buzzed level 4.

"Daddy…do you think Sam is okay?" Michelle asked me slightly worried as if she were hiding something.

"Yea of course, he probably just forgot glitters" I smiled back reassuring my daughter.

But not long after we had gotten out of the lift I began to feel sick… The sign in front of the wall as we left the lift read:

"_**Children's Oncology ward"**_

No… Sam couldn't of had Cancer…he never ever told us anything and he always seemed fine…at least that's what I hoped, Sam became like a son to me. As we travelled down the long hallway Michelle stopped and pointed at the room that read _**'Room 214'**_... My heart instantly sunk and slowly began to tear…the room was completely empty…even the name above the bed had been taken away and the sheets were neatly folded, not even a slight crease.

"Daddy where is Sam…?" Michelle asked.

I honestly couldn't bring myself to answer Michelle, I hoped he had just gotten better and went home or that we were in the wrong room…but deep down inside I knew that something wasn't right, I wasn't sure wether I wanted to know where Sam was…


End file.
